Seventy times Seven

Man, the past few weeks I have really struggled with forgiveness. There is one particular person in my life that I have had a very rocky history with. It's been literally years since this person wronged me but when I think about it I feel like it was yesterday. I have made contact with this person and told them about my struggle to forgive them and they have sincerely asked for my forgiveness. I am shocked at how hard it is to "let go and let God". I just read through the Bible passage on the story of the unforgiving debtor and it really hit me hard. I always just attributed that story to financial problems or dishonest work ethics, but in the last verse it says, "that's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart." I think that God will not pour out his blessings on you if you don't forgive as you have been forgiven. I have still been blessed by God, but I have only had a small trickle of blessings compared to the overflowing blessings he wants to rain down on me. So now I am the one in sin because I have not forgiven a fellow believer who has confessed his sin to me for reconciliation. I feel like the little train that could...in my mind I keep saying "I think I can, I think I can, I really, really, think I can." This makes me realize that it is a matter of will. I am battling God's will with my own. I don't want to forgive, I want them to be hurt as much as I have been, even though God has truly brought suffering on this person. I am ashamed to admit that but it is the truth and the truth will set me free :) I need to stop thinking I can and start deciding "I will" today, at this very moment , turn this hurt and anger over to the One who has so clearly forgiven me. Not my will, but Thy will.