case of the mondays

It is 2 am. Why am I awake? Good question, wish I knew the answer. I did stay up to watch a movie but it was done an hour ago and here I sit, surfing the internet when I could be sleeping. I just realized how starved for entertainment I am. Something inside seeks information of all kinds, something inside seeks acceptance from the world wide web...Why? Man, I wish I had the answer to that, but I don't right now. I do know that I have struggled with insomnia for over a month now with no end in sight. The only way I go to sleep at a normal time is under medication and since I still nurse Ethan I use medication very sparingly. So the result is I get up exhausted every morning and my first thought is how many hours it will be until I can be asleep again. That is a pretty depressing thought but a lot of ppl prob. think the same thing when there alarm goes off. I can't be the only one out there who does this. Of course my second thought is of my kids, if Emma or Ethan is awake yet, then I see Justin's towel thrown over the ironing board and wonder what he thought when he woke up. I figure he thought, oh crap i have to get up and go to work! meaningless work that will never impact anyone spiritually, total bummer, well, lets get it over with. Then I realize that i am a very lucky person because i for the moment get to impact my kids spiritually all day, everyday and it gives me a reason to go on, to keep praying, to keep waiting patiently for the blessings God wants to bestow on our family, to keep to my faith and my hope strong. And since I am in Ohio for the week I won't be seeing Justin's reminder in the morning, but I hope when I wake up in a few hours my first thought will be of God. I am going to strive to think of Him first every morning. I never thought it would be so hard to simply be thankful for the breath I breathe.